She

When she loves me.
She really loves me. unconditionally
but when she hates me
She hates me unconditionally also - no looking back or signs of remorse -
A love so pure and so fragile
Mildly exhausting but very rewarding
She makes opinions based on instinct
With reckless abandon to any logic
You could find ten reasons to hate her
and a million to love her so much more.
 
She is my baNGz
My "TL" - true love -
My tWinKeRz
My fiesty Tigress
The love of my life
Mine..
but i dont own her
No one does
yet she chose to be mine

Trust vs misTRUST

Whoever made it fashionable for girlfriends to demand to their boyfriends that they should exchange cellular phones for like a period of time so the boyfriend can prove that he's not doing anything mischievous behind her back should be burned alive. I cant believe society has condoned and even encourage people not to trust each other. Shouldn't it be innocent til proven guilty and not the other way around?. I could not understand that at all. But what i would never understand is a woman's dire need to prove that her partner is cheating on her just because statistics says so even though she cant prove it. The absence of proof or any evidence is actually considered itself as a proof. confused? let me expound later. though i am not the type to divulge to the world the mishaps of my relationship, please i'd rather keep it to myself, there are things that you have to emphasize to prevent them from happening again and again. which has been the case thats why i've decided to shout it out for documenting purposes. who knows this might actually help someone. including myself.

I dont know if its just the hormones during her monthly visits, or just bad intuition on her part but she seemed to be convinced that i'm actually cheating or doing something close to that. and she claims that i'v been lying to her. That i've been seeing other women behind her back. Why she thinks of me that way is beyond any argument. she just mystically knows it. well the truth is i'm not. and never will. i dont where all these is coming from. i haven't cheated on her and she has nothing on me (never been caught w/ anything incriminating. zilch!)

Even those sweet innocent nothings would turn out into something. i bring her food on her breaks at work and she would think that i did something wrong because i'm extra nice to her. and i bring her food almost every break schedule. i accompany her to her favorite bargain book store and she would claim that i'm not enjoying myself and was just obliged to be w/ her coz im her boyfriend. that's despite the fact that i've been secretly hiding a stack of children's books for my nephews and myself so that no one else could get to them.

I've always preached to everyone that you always have to maintain some level of privacy even though your in a relationship and its definitely a big NO! NO! to giveaway your passwords for your emails and such coz that only would spell trouble. Well after several months of nudging me, i finally gave in. Our relationship was working so well that on one of our monthsaries i decided to show her how much i trust her, and she could actually trust me also. i totally have nothing to hide so she's free to access my friendster account. BIG MISTAKE! i should have never attempted to predict the way she thinks for what happened next would haunt me for the rest of my life. she started reading my inbox and OUTBOX.. which you think would be pretty normal except the fact that she has gone way way back. even those messages i'd written and received 2 YEARS BACK. like a carefull surgeon, she disected what each word on those messages meant. to say that it rocked our relationship would be understatement. good thing we've recovered already.

Dont get me wrong here, She's definitely not one of those crazy, psychotic, jealous girlfriends that you stay away from. In fact she is the sweetest girl i know and she could love you like theres no tomorrow. You'll get more than enough of your share of hugz, kisses, sweet messages, gifts, LOVE and HAPPINESS. That is why i could honestly say that there's no way i'd cheat or allow myself to be in a position that would jeopardize our Love for each other. but just like any other women out there she also has her insecurities. Just because she met me later in life compared to the women i've been, she's jealous of the connections that i've had with them. She's afraid that whatever it is that she sees in me, will also be realized by those women and they might wanna get back or be with me (which i doubt would happen anyitime soon.. or at all).Which brings me to the question why would i want to be with them when i already have her?

I dont really have any solutions to this problem yet. i thought i did. apparently i dont. Maybe you could help me. Lets get into the intricate web of the female mind and see what we can come up to. Any recommendations, ideas, experiments would be welcome. For now, i'll just answer the questions that i know for sure..

Yes! I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY LIFE..

No! i will never do anything stupid that would jeopardize your love for me..

YES! I honestly enjoy your company.. EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

No! I dont have any hidden agendas nor do i have any wishful thinking to be somewhere else when i'm with you.

YES! you definitely look great; long hair, short hair with or without bangs.

NO! i'm not going back with any women in my past. Regarless they want me back or not.. its never happening.

YES! I LOVE YOU. if you feel that i havent said it often enough, then i'll say it again. if you feel that i do. then i'll say it again. coz i could never get tired of saying it over and over and over again.

hope this helps. and i dont care what other people would think. could care less about them. its you and me. eyes on the prize.

the "Mile" in Milestones

its been a long time since i wrote anything here. Though i had words flooding in my head i was afraid of the impact of what i would eventually write. And thats when things get complicated. in my past blogs i wrote everything drunk. No conscience. no afterthoughts. no holds barred. my soul revealed for everyone to mock. and i didnt care. Now everything is different. i am totally concious of what i write thats why i have to be wary of the words i use and what would be the reaction of the would be reader. the very few of them. Which kinda defeats the purpose of blogging. its not enjoyable anymore. in fact its even stressfull. I have been condemned of the blogs i've made more than a year ago. some even two years passed. those are the stuffs that has taken me aback and made me reconsider of how willing i am to jot down my thoughts for the public viewing.

Almost a month has passed since baNGz and I celebrated our very first Anniversary. 1 year yet it seemed just like yesterday. Were still as inseparable as ever. Spending almost everyday together yet we cant seem to get enough of each other. she misses me and i definitely miss her the moment she goes inside that KMK bus. The cooking trial and error. her scary taxi adventures. my unfortunate taxi accidents. a total of 3 phones have been lost(2 mine.1 hers). surveyed the corners of SM and Ayala. the foodtrip escapades starting from UP to cebudoc to UC to the more expensive ones. the failed exercise-sports-diet attempts. Ukay² sessions. Dunkin Donut Sessions.

We've surely been through a lot. its only one year yet it seemed like an eternity. yet it feels like we just started yesterday. Despite this feat. just when i thought that everythings gonna be easy we started to quarrel about petty things. things that i never thought would be a hindrance to our relationship. from my friends to my past doings to the catch 22 questions and situations. all have placed a strain in our relationship. What surprised me was that i never saw them coming (well isnt that redundant?)
Thats when i realized that we still have a long way to go. Maybe i've lit up. i relaxed and taken for granted those little things. i've always thought that our biggest problems would occur once we follow that inevitable path. me going abroad. her going abroad. only it would be 2 different countries. Isnt that the bigger picture her. situations like that make or break relationships as i knew it. but never i realized that a friendster message, delayed schedule or a movie date with your gang could have the same effect.

Just shows how little i know about the opposite sex and my so called experience isnt worth anything..

But one things for sure though. im not gonna give up on this. never!
Even if i have to swallow my huge pride a thousand times more that wont shake me.
and if you ask why, read the address bar...
cz LOVE KO SI BANGZ

COSMO said i told you so

Appreciate your man.


Dont demand. When you demand you set these really high expectations and though sometimes its ok to have one but by demanding things you tend to overlook stuff and you stop appreciating the things that you guy is doing coz your thinking that its his job to do it in the first place. which is definitely wrong. your only supposed to take what the other gives.

There's a difference between doing something out of love and just fulfilling an obigation. That's the reason why some people dont go to masses anymore they felt they've been going there because they're required to. instead of being commended for going they get criticized more and feels guilty if they miss one. so they just stop going.

If your partner is starting to feel that he's just doing an obligation then you have to start worrying. Once he starts to question the passion that is put into the relationship thats when he starts feeling choked. and trust me you dont want to get into that point.


Stop questioning his motives.


I get it. we've all watched too many a sci-fi films about conspiracies and cover-ups. Though it would be nice if life is that exciting and all but the truth is, your man isn't hiding anything from you. theres is no ulterior motives or hidden agenda. he just wants to be with you.
to feel your smooth skin.. kiss those red lips.. touch your soft cheeks.

He is not secretly wishihg to be with other girls or to be w/ his friends. nor is he hoping that time would fastforward itself so his time with you could be over soon.

Ask any man you know (yes even including your dad) if they would sacrifice they're time, passion (basketball, parties, inuman etc) and ego for any girl or anyone at all who doesnt mean to them. If he's tired all day and still carries your bag. you are special! if he misses a game so he could just chat with your over coffee or ice cream. you are special! if he goes shopping with you for that one dress you've been wanting to wear even if you dont know what it looks like yet, providing of course that he still wants to sleep with you (meaning he's not gay). you are special!and he means it. otherwise he would bluntly say you so.


for the nth time: Stop trying to change him. you fell in love with that imperfect guy remember.


why is it that every woman seems to have this personal mission to change their man. They expect men to be their sort of project doll where they would inject a little breeding of their liking. stop it! if we want to change then we'd go to the experts (calling queer eye for a straight guy or something like that) Women tend to forget that they were attracted to that barbaric personality in the first place. fresh.mysterious.uncertain. if we changed who we are then we would lose our identity. you might achieve your goal of what you think as a perfect boyfriend but we would lose ourselves, doubting the decisions that we've made for the past couple of months and yes that includes the decision to be with you. The only thing that can be done is to compromise. meet halfways. to learn to adjust through our differences. imagine if we start out on an experiment of changing you to be the beer-drinking-basketball-loving-submissive-outdoor-get-down-and-dirty-type of girlfriend that most men want. scary isn't it?


So Ladies appreciate your man.

ten+ things i love about baNGz

2008. this year i take blogging seriously. much to the delight of my girlfriend kyjean. She has been convincing me to take up this passion of hers. So i only find it appropriate to start my blog with an entry about her. on how much i adore her of course. this is in random order for i love every part of her equally.

She's a hug addict. Somehow she craves about hugging me everytime. that is why we have invented different kinds of hugs to cloak our PDA's from our imaginary paparazzi. from semi-hugs to quarter-hugs to accidental hugs. i cant seem to get enough of her hugs though. and thank goodness nothing could seem to replenish her need to hug me. And i totally feel the same way

The way her eyes closes when we kiss. Its like watching those old movies. When the guy gives that true love kiss to her girl. you know its real. you know its something special. I never thought i that i wanted something like that. and here she's giving it to me.

Her passion for writing. Mostly she's been seriously writing blogs right now but i wouldnt be surprised if one day she'd try her luck at writing a book. She has greatly improved with her style and i'm so proud everytime i read her latest entries.

Her love affair with books. If theres one thing i should be jealous about. that one thing that she probably love more than me. its her books. and no! its not one of those cheezy sweet valley high's or judy mcnaught's. those seems amateurish compared to what she reads. her vast collection of amazing books, that could belong to the top 100 books of all time, include lovely bones, stardust, jonathan strange etc. and lately she's been mesmerized by no less than the rockstar of literature himself, neil gaiman.

The never ending apetite. I love food. If its edible, i'll eat it. but kyjean loves them more. We could eat at a high class restaurant or in UP's carenderia or even on the next kanto's pungko², we would still be able to enjoy the food w/o any qualms at all. and after a huge meal, just when both of us are complaining of gastric fulfillment she begins to crave for a sweet dessert as soon as we get pass that sari-sari store. Looks like i've met my match.

Being the defiant kikay. Everyone who knows baNGz would tell you that she's a certified RAWKISTA. The type who's always present at gigs and chases bands. she could even qualify as a groupie. but what people dont know is that she's also a kikay. She has a complete collection of Cosmopolitan magazine and never misses an issue. Though she doesnt wear any make-ups (honestly there is no need for one) but she can definitely tell you a lot about fashion.

The camwhoring moments. I would like to think that i awaken the camwhore in her. This is not your typical point-the-cam-to-your-face-inside-the-bathroom-and-start-clicking-rapidly type camwhore. There has to be a concept. and theres nothing more i love to do than taking her pictures. If the subject is as pretty as that, I woudn't mind being her personal photographer at all. Call it labor of love.

Her silky soft skin. At the end of the day. I would still be a guy. The type to brag about her girl to his friends. Though i'm really not that type but the fact that 3 taxi drivers have insisted that kyjean is a movie star and have offered the fare to be on the house plus a balikbayan asking her also if she's a local celeb here. One cannot help but put a smile into his face. Yeap that's my girl.

Those kissable red lips. I have to be honest with you. I first noticed her because of those rosy red lips. Everyone does. I was on my way out of the elevator at work when i suddenly saw those stunningly beautiful red lips and the georgeous woman that owned them. From then on i cant help but look at her everyday.

The baNGz. I had been contemplating on how to approach and introduce myself to her. I was waiting for that perfect moment when suddenly inside the elevator, i noticed her new hairstyle and without thinking blurted a compliment about her bangs. That was the opportunity i needed. Since then i've been calling her baNGz.

That fierce competitive nature. Its safe to say that i will never be bored about baNGz. While we agree about a lot of things, we still argue about stuffs specially when our competitive nature kicks in. Although we haven't settled yet who has the higher IQ, and we do still fight about it, theres no doubt that our love for each other is definitely the highest.

Being a NURSE. I've said this before and i'll say it again. I even have a blog about it in my friendster account. I've always known that i'd end up w/ a nurse. call it wishful thinking but i've always told my peers throughout college and they could attest to it that i would want to love and be loved by a nurse. Having Kyjean in my life simply means that destiny happens and sometimes even if you dont know it, just when your not expecting it, you do get what you want. Amen to HIM!