i'm a jerk. she is the only thing that i truly care about. the only thing that matters yet i'm slowly letting her slip away. i cant even begin to try and explain why i'm doing this. i really dont know why. i've been telling myself its not my fault. things come up. this and that. theres hundreds of reasons. but none of them matter. its really simple. i honestly love her. so why am i being a jerk..
can someone invent a pill for this.. so i can stop being a jerk.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
one last note
my grandma was burried last saturday. sadly i wasnt able give my eulogy because of time restraints.. but if given a chance it would be something like this.
I was on my way to work when I learned that grandma died. i was just recently transferred to another department so i cant really afford to be absent. I informed my officemates of what happened and they quickly gave their condolences. I immediately stopped them. I told them i they should not be sad for me coz im not. I wont even wallow. instead i chose to celebrate the life of my beautiful grandma .I havent really told anyone about this but one of the earliest childhood memory i had was with my lola sepa. i was about 4 or 5 by then when lola abducted me from the house and brought me to lawis bantayan. i chose the world abducted coz i cant really recall if she had my parent's permission to take me. i still can recall it was almost dark and people were rushing and scrambling for a jeepney. i managed to climb into one but lola wasnt able to do so and she just said "nya mulakaw lang ka ug una?" so i had to jump off the jeepney and we waited till we could find another one. by the time we reached lawis i thought we would only be staying for the night so i packed my slippers that night before going to bed in front of my bebaffled grandma. only the morning after i learned that we're staying for a couple of months. everyday on the way to the bukid (which is actually just a hill)i would secretly cry coz i dearly miss my parents. It was quite an experience indeed.
If theres anything in this world no one could deny about my grandma is that she a very religious person. every day she would wake up at 3am to say her prayers to the devine mercy and a few others for the rest of the day. She was such a devout catholic that she even celebrated the feast of her patron saint in bantayan to her new home here in lapu-lapu. Everytime we got a chance to sit down and talk, we would spend hours discussing about her faith to the all mighty and how it kept her going. i wouldnt really be able to do her much justice coz listening to her is definitely and experience itself. Everytime i have momens of lapses and doubts, though she may never know it, she never fails to lift my spirit up and restore my faith to our LORD. and i bet im not the only one to that. A lot of you would be able to attest how this woman lived a fruitful life with God being the center of it all. Thank you lola.. for the faith.. the courage.. and the strength. your 82 years here on earth is a life well spent.
I was on my way to work when I learned that grandma died. i was just recently transferred to another department so i cant really afford to be absent. I informed my officemates of what happened and they quickly gave their condolences. I immediately stopped them. I told them i they should not be sad for me coz im not. I wont even wallow. instead i chose to celebrate the life of my beautiful grandma .I havent really told anyone about this but one of the earliest childhood memory i had was with my lola sepa. i was about 4 or 5 by then when lola abducted me from the house and brought me to lawis bantayan. i chose the world abducted coz i cant really recall if she had my parent's permission to take me. i still can recall it was almost dark and people were rushing and scrambling for a jeepney. i managed to climb into one but lola wasnt able to do so and she just said "nya mulakaw lang ka ug una?" so i had to jump off the jeepney and we waited till we could find another one. by the time we reached lawis i thought we would only be staying for the night so i packed my slippers that night before going to bed in front of my bebaffled grandma. only the morning after i learned that we're staying for a couple of months. everyday on the way to the bukid (which is actually just a hill)i would secretly cry coz i dearly miss my parents. It was quite an experience indeed.
If theres anything in this world no one could deny about my grandma is that she a very religious person. every day she would wake up at 3am to say her prayers to the devine mercy and a few others for the rest of the day. She was such a devout catholic that she even celebrated the feast of her patron saint in bantayan to her new home here in lapu-lapu. Everytime we got a chance to sit down and talk, we would spend hours discussing about her faith to the all mighty and how it kept her going. i wouldnt really be able to do her much justice coz listening to her is definitely and experience itself. Everytime i have momens of lapses and doubts, though she may never know it, she never fails to lift my spirit up and restore my faith to our LORD. and i bet im not the only one to that. A lot of you would be able to attest how this woman lived a fruitful life with God being the center of it all. Thank you lola.. for the faith.. the courage.. and the strength. your 82 years here on earth is a life well spent.
Monday, January 12, 2009
the death of a STAR
"humans as we are, we all tend to resist change
though change is inevitable, we still fight it"
When Gregorio del Pilar recieved the order from Emilio Aguinaldo to stay and stall the americans in Tirad Pass, the young general already knew what was asked of him. A death sentence. Given 60 men to hold off 500 heavily americans would be a complete suicide. Yet he stayed and fought until the the inevitable happened.
2 days ago, we were given the news that Vonage Outbound, known as the ROCKSTARS, would cease to operate. The announcement was short, simple and straight to the point. with no hint of any sugar-coating. People panicked. People cried. Of course no sweet words could ever make it easier to digest. Everyone hugged everyone. Yet for me things never really sank in till now. 2 days later at 3 in the morning.
It wasnt really a complete surprise. Eight months into my entry in the program, rumours have already circulated of its closure. True that half of the agents were transferred to another program and the once loud and proud rulers of the 5th floor northwing has now been reduced to meager crowd stuck in the corner. After a year, rumours again resurfaced and changes were made. Team Canada got southparked and joined the rest of the US squad. A couple of months later, welcome desk became outbound reactivation team(?) and eventually transferred to sales.
Whats the point of the story? the rumors were always there yet they remained that way. just rumors! Sure a lot of changes have happened but just like the phoenix, Rockstar always found a way to rise from the ashes. Though it struggled and it never managed to recover being no#1, still it survived. apparently not anymore.
If theres one thing Vonage Outbound was good at and known for is that we know how to PARRRTY! big time. Undisputed #1 in Site Events, Rockstar has raised the bar in terms of program presentation and participation. We even brought the entire program to Bantayan, a first in etel Cebu. The GA's are crazy and really something.
All good things they say must come to an end. 20 agents were lucky enough to be transferred to another program while the remaining 19 will see what awaits their fate. I happen to be in that unlucky 19 who must still make calls for a week more before the program that was Vonage Outbound aka Rockstars officially shuts down. What does one do when he knows the end is coming?
How do you make of a bleak future?
How do you motivate yourself to do a job that is almost meaningless?
a) should you jump ship and start a new with the knowledge that the same thing could happen to another company and as a probie, its more likely that your ass would be the first one to get kicked
b) or do you stay to keep your tenureship but place your hands at the mercy of the profiling gods(read: HR) to find a vacancy somewhere within the company irregardless of the type of program that they throw you into (which is another concern)
hmmnn.. decisions.. decicions..decisions..(either way im screwed!)
Just like Gen Gregorio del Pilar and his men, our 2 supervisors thats left must lead us to this grueling week ahead. None of us want this. Am i pissed? hell yes! it honestly sucks but we still have to do what were paid for. its inevitable. truly a very slow painful death. ROCKSTARS now signing off..
"The General has given me the pick of all the men that can be spared and ordered me to defend the Pass. I realize what a terrible task has been given me. And yet I feel that this is the most glorious moment of my life. What I do is done for my beloved country. No sacrifice can be too great"
- from the diary of Gen Gregorio del Pilar.
though change is inevitable, we still fight it"
When Gregorio del Pilar recieved the order from Emilio Aguinaldo to stay and stall the americans in Tirad Pass, the young general already knew what was asked of him. A death sentence. Given 60 men to hold off 500 heavily americans would be a complete suicide. Yet he stayed and fought until the the inevitable happened.
2 days ago, we were given the news that Vonage Outbound, known as the ROCKSTARS, would cease to operate. The announcement was short, simple and straight to the point. with no hint of any sugar-coating. People panicked. People cried. Of course no sweet words could ever make it easier to digest. Everyone hugged everyone. Yet for me things never really sank in till now. 2 days later at 3 in the morning.
It wasnt really a complete surprise. Eight months into my entry in the program, rumours have already circulated of its closure. True that half of the agents were transferred to another program and the once loud and proud rulers of the 5th floor northwing has now been reduced to meager crowd stuck in the corner. After a year, rumours again resurfaced and changes were made. Team Canada got southparked and joined the rest of the US squad. A couple of months later, welcome desk became outbound reactivation team(?) and eventually transferred to sales.
Whats the point of the story? the rumors were always there yet they remained that way. just rumors! Sure a lot of changes have happened but just like the phoenix, Rockstar always found a way to rise from the ashes. Though it struggled and it never managed to recover being no#1, still it survived. apparently not anymore.
If theres one thing Vonage Outbound was good at and known for is that we know how to PARRRTY! big time. Undisputed #1 in Site Events, Rockstar has raised the bar in terms of program presentation and participation. We even brought the entire program to Bantayan, a first in etel Cebu. The GA's are crazy and really something.
All good things they say must come to an end. 20 agents were lucky enough to be transferred to another program while the remaining 19 will see what awaits their fate. I happen to be in that unlucky 19 who must still make calls for a week more before the program that was Vonage Outbound aka Rockstars officially shuts down. What does one do when he knows the end is coming?
How do you make of a bleak future?
How do you motivate yourself to do a job that is almost meaningless?
a) should you jump ship and start a new with the knowledge that the same thing could happen to another company and as a probie, its more likely that your ass would be the first one to get kicked
b) or do you stay to keep your tenureship but place your hands at the mercy of the profiling gods(read: HR) to find a vacancy somewhere within the company irregardless of the type of program that they throw you into (which is another concern)
hmmnn.. decisions.. decicions..decisions..(either way im screwed!)
Just like Gen Gregorio del Pilar and his men, our 2 supervisors thats left must lead us to this grueling week ahead. None of us want this. Am i pissed? hell yes! it honestly sucks but we still have to do what were paid for. its inevitable. truly a very slow painful death. ROCKSTARS now signing off..
"The General has given me the pick of all the men that can be spared and ordered me to defend the Pass. I realize what a terrible task has been given me. And yet I feel that this is the most glorious moment of my life. What I do is done for my beloved country. No sacrifice can be too great"
- from the diary of Gen Gregorio del Pilar.
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